my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
