I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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