Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
