he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
