He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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