Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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