I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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