wakey wakey hands off snakey
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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