I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
