well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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