she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
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