There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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