Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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