i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
