i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
