sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
