Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
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