where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
