Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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