tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize