I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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