3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
