just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
