You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
