I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
