she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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