Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
