The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
