I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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