hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
