UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
