I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
