i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I will pee on everything he values.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
