i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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