Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
