i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
