Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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