She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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