Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
