She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
