Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
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