Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
