so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
