i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
