I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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