he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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