he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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