I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
In other news, I just burned my penis
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
