My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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