Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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