i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
