that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize