hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
