I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
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