JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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