Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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