I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
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