I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
