i jhust puked up my retainher.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
