I hate all girls vehemently.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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