i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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