Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
