can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Two words: blizzard sex
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
