In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
