Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Found your dick twin last night
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
