Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
