Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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