I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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