The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize