What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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