Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
he just fucked me for my cheese..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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