Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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