So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
