Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
